I Never Laughed So Hard

How can I explain the pain in my rib cage, from laughing so hard? I could hardly catch my breath. My stomach muscles were sore, they felt like I did 100 sit-ups. I was about to lose control. I literally ran to the bathroom .—- I could not stop laughing!

It was the 2nd day of the cruise - the Gala “Dress-Up Night”. I knew exactly what I was going to wear, the dress, jewelry, etc.  By the time I was putting on my make-up, Elliott was getting dressed.—- I heard him complaining —- “I’ve got to stop eating so much, I gained so much weight.” —-“I can’t believe this.” he shouted.

“What is the matter?” I said as I turned to look at him. He was getting more and more frustrated as he struggled to put on his trousers. That was when I started laughing, and could not stop for about 15 minutes.

There are no words to describe the expression on his face as he was jumping around the room trying to put on his trousers. A giant “V” was at the center of his belly. The button at his waistband was a good 10 inches away from its corresponding button hole. —-My laughter began to get out of control. 

All of a sudden, while I was still laughing, my mind became logical. “I remembered, back in the seventies (or was it the eighties?) when we all wore tight jeans. Every female I knew managed to wear those tight jeans, even if she had to put them on while lying on her back in bed. “Go lie down Elliott”, I said. At this point , I decided that this was too good not to share with my brother (who was just down the hall). —- I ran to get him and his wife, so they also could have a good laugh. 

However, by the time we returned to my room, Elliott was able to button his pants. I was still laughing. He looked like “The Pillsbury Dough Boy” —- his waist was bulging over the top of his slacks. —- I don’t know how he managed to get those pants on, but I never underestimate the power of a man with determination. As he was putting on his jacket, he said, “This is funny, I meant to take blue trousers, but I took these black ones instead. Maybe no one will notice.”

After Elliott had a full dinner , on the way to the night club, he informed me that he was going to make a pit stop. When he found the three of us in the theater, he told us that he had a most unusual experience in the men’s room. —-When he unzipped his zipper, he noticed that it did not go down as far as it usually did. There was no way he was able to get his equipment above and out of his zipper. —-He had to pull his pants down. This he decided to do in the privacy of a stall. He also told us that something peculiar happened in the bathroom. —- He realized that the zipper was on the wrong side of his pants. 

After the show we went to the room to get into more comfortable attire. It was then that I took a close look at the pants he wore. They were size 10. He had somehow gotten himself into MY slacks. —- He is a size 38, I am size 10. I always knew he was a magician.

A big smile comes to my face whenever I think of that day. 

Oh yes, he still claims that it was all my fault because I put my slacks on his side of the closet.

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